Dearest Grieving Friends,
Sometimes the holidays hurt. I understand. May I offer a few suggestions to help you survive and even rest this Christmas?
Does the dread of seeing that empty chair at your Christmas table have you in tears? Has the longing to hunt for the perfect gift for your child rendered you helpless? Are you fearful that the holidays will thrust you further down the dark tunnel of grief?
Inhale long and exhale slowly. It’s going to be okay.
You are not alone.
You will grow into your grief a little more each year and the holidays will become more meaningful. Perhaps you’ll find yourself decorating less, buying less, cooking less, yet savoring more.
More time in worship. More time singing from the depths of your soul. More Christmas.
To help you get to that point, may I share a few tidbits of advice that I wish I would have grabbed hold of much earlier in my grief process?
FORGIVE
Forgive everyone involved with your child’s death. Forgive God. Forgive your child. Forgive everyone else involved. Forgive yourself.
REST
Take gentle care of yourself. Rest when you are tired. Skip the party if you need to. God isn’t asking you to be Super Man or Super Woman. Take a load off by lowering your expectations. Think HALT. Do not allow yourself to grow too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired.
FOCUS
Toss your to-do list, your bucket list, and your wish list. Focus only on what God has called you to do right now. Say to yourself aloud, do the next right thing, and have the next right response for the next fifteen minutes.
TAKE GRIEF BREAKS
Take breaks from grief websites, blogs, and books. You cannot stay in grief mode 24/7. If your loved one has been dead for more than a few years, purpose to take a day away from grief at least once a week. You cannot control the unexpected trigger or memory, but you can shift your focus for one day. Use that time to invest in others. Find healing in serving others and in fostering relationships.
REJOICE
Rejoice because there is always, always something to be thankful for. Rejoice because the land of no more goodbyes is in your future. Rejoice because you can ALWAYS trust The One who died for you.
May you know moments of peace and joy and an abundance of hope this Christmas,
Shelley