Why do some work through grief and become better people? Why are others held captive by it? Why do some grieving parents push through and persevere the storm-tossed sea of grief while others dwell in the cold and become bitter with little purpose?
I suspect many of us see death and grief as the exception instead of the norm. I did for a long time. I was wrong. Bad things will always happen. (John 16:33) The good times are the exceptions, the undeserved gifts of grace that can all be taken away.
We may need to shift our thinking.
We need to remember who Jesus is.
Our children are dead. I’m so grateful to know that Jesus intimately identifies with my pain. He bore scars far worse than ours. And through it all, He promises to always be with us. (Matthew 28:20)
I’m thankful.
Those of us who’ve buried children must take time to embrace our grief. But we must also cling to hope and rise from the ashes.
Romans 5:3 tells us that we all go through hard times and can develop perseverance to do so.
How to Develop Perseverance
Do Not Expect a Perfect Life
Nowhere does God promise us a perfect life. Those who think we deserve it because we are good people are wrong. My grandparents, who survived the depression, understood that. Those in third world countries are living it. Job had a handle on it, too.
Clutch the Savior’s Iron Grip
Despite the sweet pictures in the old storybook Bibles, Jesus is not a blue-eyed, blown-out blonde dressed in a freshly-pressed white robe, with bluebirds fluttering around His face. He is fierce and mighty and has an iron grip that refuses to let us go.
Choose Your Identity
Of course, we didn’t choose for our children to die. But we can choose not to be held captive by it. The time comes when we must choose our identity – grieving parent or child of God. I’ve done both. I recommend the latter.