I had my hair trimmed today in our new hometown. The stylist asked politely, “How many children do you have?”
“Three boys,” I replied, then quickly followed up with, “But they’re all grown and gone” to avoid making her uncomfortable with that awkward ‘my oldest died’ conversation.
But she asked where each lives. While choking back the tears, I told her where my younger two live, then explained that my eldest died in a car crash fifteen years ago at the age of seventeen.
She asked his name. Surely she didn’t know how desperate I was to say his name today?!? As tears welled in my eyes, I straightened up in the salon chair as only a proud mom could and proclaimed, “Joseph! His name is Joseph.”
Tears welled in my eyes. The emotions of saying his name leave me conflicted! There’s sadness because I yearn to see his face, breathe in the scent that was only his, and hold him in my arms. Yet I am thankful for the healing that’s taken place and that I’m learning to live with his absence. It also fills me with joy to say his name aloud, introducing that intricate part of me to someone new.
I choose to dwell on the joy.
A prayer …
Lord,
You are so kind to us. Thank you! Thank you for the sweet lady who asked his name. Thank you for the opportunity to say it loudly yesterday. Thank you for seventeen years with that beautiful soul, my son Joseph. Thank you for Phil, Curt, and Wyatt. Thank you for sitting with us in our grief and keeping our family intact. Please, please don’t let us waste our grief. Let each member of the Ramsey family become more like You every day. Please let us bring You glory and honor in all that we do.
And Lord, I ask the same for everyone who is missing a loved one today.
Amen.