Our twentieth wedding anniversary was just one month after seventeen-year-old Joseph’s death. It was a Wednesday. Big, expensive celebrations have never been our style and were even less likely that year.
Phil and I took the day off work to be together and thought the timing was right to select a stone for our son’s grave. (Are we romantic or what?!?) Before then, the ground had been too wet and soft for the cemetery to erect a headstone, and the grass had not grown back since the grave was dug for his burial. But mostly, we hadn’t been ready to tackle that final task for our son.
We drove to the memorial place just minutes from our home. Granite or marble, flat or standing, round or rectangular … too many choices for grieving parents! The day was overcast and a bit breezy. We walked outside looking at many stones, knowing we didn’t want anything large or ornate. We chose a small, slightly masculine, dark-gray slab that would work on Joseph’s downward-sloping grave. We then found the owner to help us with our purchase.
“What would you like inscribed?” she asked. We tossed a few ideas around. And friends, we did not consider his GPA, SATs, or IQ. We hadn’t written, “He remembered to say ‘Yes ma’am and No ma’am.” You won’t visit his grave and read, “His room was always clean,” “He was a black belt in tae kwon do,” or “He was loyal, polite, and wise beyond his years.” We didn’t even consider “Beloved son and brother.”
Phil and I spent enormous time and effort training our boys and trying to instill character. However, when Joseph’s life ended so abruptly on that country road, the only thing that mattered was that our boy knew and loved Jesus Christ. He was a child of God. So we wanted something befitting that. We wanted his testimony to be visible to passersby.
Phil mentioned a verse in Corinthians. Perfect. He grabbed a Gideon Bible off the counter to reread 2 Corinthians 4:18, and I chose to make it personal. Our boy’s gravestone reads,
“He fixed his eyes not on what was seen, but on what was unseen.”
A personal note …
Dads and Moms,
I hope you never find yourself standing in a memorial yard selecting a gravestone for a child. But do know that one day, their lives will end.
My question is this: When your children’s lives end, in whom do you want them to have their hope and confidence?
Introduce your children to Jesus. As a family, worship together. Pray that each one of your kids will have godly mentors throughout his life.
A prayer for our children …
Lord,
Please guard our children. Protect them from harm, illness, and evil.
When they do something wrong, let them get caught.
Let them grow in character and knowledge.
Mostly, Abba, may each one know You personally.
And let his relationship with you be the most important and influential thing in his life.
Amen