I have found H.A.L.T. beneficial for those of us in the throes of grief. Getting too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired will drive us further into deep grief.
I first learned about the acronym H.A.L.T. from a Vietnam vet in a Psychology 101 class. In a report he was presenting, he advised that these four physical or emotional conditions, if not kept in check, will leave a PTSD sufferer vulnerable to relapse.
After losing seventeen-year-old Joseph in a car crash, I suggest the same is true for anyone grieving.
I have found H.A.L.T. helpful for anyone, especially grieving people (many of whom also suffer from PTSD), because there is no getting away from sometimes feeling hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. I will go through each of the four conditions in more detail to help you get the most out of this Grief Recovery 101 tool.
Hunger
Hunger, of course, describes the most obvious physical condition of lack of food. We all know how important it is to have regular nutritional meals. But when you’re in the throes of grief, eating is seldom a priority.
Once the casseroles stopped arriving after Joseph died, Burger King fed my family. I didn’t have the wherewithal to plan meals or the energy to stand at the stove and cook. But we must eat – even if it’s just small healthy snacks throughout the day. My husband and I barely ate those first weeks after losing our son and then ate only comfort food for the next decade. We both packed on the pounds and are paying for that still.
Anger
Anger is a bit more complex, and the solution will challenge grieving people. Many grieving people are angry at God. That’s okay. He’s a mighty big God who can handle our anger and every other emotion associated with grief. It becomes a problem when we don’t process our grief.
Phil and I refer to Joseph’s accident as a “clean” accident. No one else was involved or at fault; thus, we’re not angry at anyone, no one is angry at us, and no lawsuits are involved. That is not the case for many. My suggestion is to get immediate help for anger that lasts more than a few months. Professional help may be needed, and a good grief support group is a must. (I benefited greatly from GriefShare.)
I believe a person with resentment toward another must pray for that other person. My experience has been that subjecting ourselves to this discipline frees us and frees others so that healing can begin.
Lonely
Lonely refers to isolating oneself. For an introvert like me, this became a serious problem. I went through a long period where I avoided everyone I possibly could for every reason I could imagine.
We do need some time alone to grieve and digest the insanity of our child’s death. But when that time turns into months or years, we must make ourselves seek the only solution: community. Sometimes, we need encouragement and accountability to get up, get dressed, go to work, attend church, or attend a grief support group.
Tired
Grieving people are under-rested and overwhelmed! It’s our body’s way of slowing us down and inviting us to experience our grief. As difficult as that is, it is so very necessary.
But we have to help our bodies rest as well. Getting off grief websites and going to bed at a decent hour is imperative. Napping as needed is a must. Our bodies need us to give them time, space, and permission to grieve and rest.
Grief didn’t come with instructions. Perhaps H.A.L.T. is a place to begin our life-long journey of grief recovery.
A prayer for you …
Lord,
Help us to process our grief in healthy ways. Please don’t let us give way to our anger and bitterness. Help us to forgive and help us to give each member of our family an extra measure of grace amid our grief.
Amen