My Dearest Caretakers,
Have I remembered to say thank you?
Thank you for holding my heart, tending to my needs, and putting your children on the back burner while you listened to the gory details of my child’s death over and over.
God used you, you know. My healing began the moment you held my hand, listened quietly, and wiped away the tears that were streaming down my face. I noticed the tears you were shedding, too. What a gift that was! Thank you for coming close and entering into my grief.
Thank you for not trying to fix this. Thank you for not telling me to move on. Thank you for not expecting my grief to play out on a nice, neat, linear timeline.
I know that you hate this for me and wish you could reverse it or at least take away my pain. Thank you for that too.
When I take a breather from this madness and take my eyes off of myself, I realize that my grief hasn’t been easy for you. I know it’s been hard for you to watch me crumble and my family unravel as we struggle to make sense of this insanity.
Yet, time and time again, you’ve gathered my family’s broken pieces and mended them with your prayers and practical love.
And now it’s time.
It’s time for you to resume the mantle of everyday life. It’s time for you to take care of yourself and enjoy your life and family.
It’s okay. Our mighty, big God is holding me. My child’s death did not catch Him by surprise. This situation has never been out of his control.
He gave you gifts, and you’ve used them well. Oh, how you’ve used them well!
He also gave you a family to tend to and responsibilities that require your attention. I’m sorry that I’ve not always been able to remember that.
I love you as much as you love me, you know. I don’t want to wear you thin. And I cannot become more dependent on you than I am on God.
I know you won’t forget me or my child. I know you’re always a prayer and a phone call away.
I won’t be the same person I was before his death. In time, I hope to become a better friend – the kind you have been to me.
But right now, it’s imperative I process my boy’s death and my grief, rebuild my family, and lean into my faith.
After I’ve grieved a while, I hope to pay your love forward by loving others as well as you have loved me.
Again, thank you. I love you.
Shelley